


dear regret

by dweamnap



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M, Pining, Soulmates, Unrequited Love, im sorry im doinf this again LMAO
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:55:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24738844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dweamnap/pseuds/dweamnap
Summary: Sapnap doesn't believe in soulmates.So falling in love was kind of a stupid move, wasn't it?
Relationships: GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)/Other(s), GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 67
Kudos: 405





	dear regret

**Author's Note:**

> hi georgenap corner of dteam fic is so deprived (but the fics that r there r amazing n u should check them out!!!) and i love their dynamic hehe so HERE have some food !!!!!!!!!! 
> 
> also the title is from the song dear regret by ku one chan which i listened to on REPEAT while i wrote this

Sapnap doesn’t know when it started. 

This ache. These stares. These breaths, shallower now.

When did it all begin?

In the moonlight, maybe. When it was 11 pm and they were in the playground, when George had sat on one end of the seesaw and pleaded with Sapnap to sit on the other side. When Dream had just watched from the swingset, giggling at George’s increasingly whiny pleas, until George had said, “Please, Sapnap. Dream is too fat and I’ll just get stuck in the air. It _has_ to be you, Sapnap. Please!” and Dream had spluttered in outrage. When Sapnap had grinned wide and pretended that when he sat down on the other side of the seesaw that he was only doing it reluctantly. When George had laughed delightedly and Sapnap had grinned even wider into the darkness as they tried to fling each other off of the seesaw. 

In the sunlight, maybe. When George had looked at him and the sun had sliced into his face like it was carving a statue, like his face was art. When George’s eyes had melted into pools of honey just for a second, a moment, and then he’d squinted and said, “God, why’s the sun so bright out today?” When Sapnap had just laughed and told him to walk faster, they were going to be late for class.

In the night, maybe. When George had told him to shut up so hard it had hurt, and Sapnap had said it back even harder. When they’d both fallen silent and the night had felt so empty Sapnap wished he could fill it with broken apologies, but he hadn’t, he had just sealed his lips and silently pleaded for George to fill it instead. But he hadn’t, he hadn’t, of course he hadn’t.

Maybe it started then. All Sapnap knows is that it should never have started at all.

Hindsight is a bitch.

→ ← 

“Sapnap, do you believe in soulmates?”

The question comes out of nowhere. He really isn’t ready for it.

He’s really not ready to talk about love with George. 

“Uh… I don’t know. Depends what you define as soulmates, I guess.”

“Like… d’you think everyone has one person that’s perfect for them? I guess I don’t know if everyone finds their soulmate or not, but d’you think everyone’s got one?”

Sapnap threads his fingers through the grass. He can feel blades brushing against his legs, and he swallows. 

He shrugs, hoping it seems nonchalant. “Not really. Do you?”

“Wait, I want to hear why not before I tell you my answer,” George says, turning his head to look at him. Sapnap stares at the grass between his fingers.

He’s quiet for a moment. “I don’t know, it just seems kinda unlikely. I mean, there are seven billion people in the world, and you’re telling me there’s only _one_ person that’s perfect for someone else? And what does perfect even mean, anyway? Aren’t couples supposed to fight? It just doesn’t seem realistic.”

“Oh,” George says, sounding lost, and Sapnap feels guilt wash over him. “Well, I do believe in soulmates.”

“Really?” Sapnap says, and he looks at George. He’s staring, pink-cheeked, at the empty sky. 

“Really,” he says, shielding his eyes from the sunlight. 

“Why?” 

“Because I want to,” George says simply. “Because I think it’s a nice idea. Kind of like something to look forward to, I suppose.”

“Oh,” Sapnap says. He likes that. The idea of believing in something just because you want to. “But what if you never find them?”

George looks back at him, smiling slightly. “I will.”

Sapnap’s heart floats away, into the empty, empty sky.

→ ← 

Sapnap starts to leave things in George’s locker. 

Always quietly, always carefully. 

He tries to keep it random. He doesn’t leave anything that will make George think it might be him. He knows George’s locker code, so he only slips in things through the grate.

A movie ticket he’d used the other night when he’d gone to watch the new Spider-Man movie (he thought George would like it). A picture of a cat he’d found online and printed out because he’d thought it was cute. Discarded doodles he’d found in class and thought were funny. Vandalised school photos of teachers.

At first, George had complained. Bitterly. 

“Why does this person keep leaving their junk in my locker? I mean, what even is the point? They’re not even stealing from me. Or giving me anything _good_. Leave some chocolate raisins or something if you really want to put things in my locker.”

Sapnap almost considers leaving chocolate raisins in his locker. It would be kind of funny, he thinks. But then he thinks about it some more, and then he realises that it would only really be funny for maybe a second or two, and then George would figure out it was him, and either assume this was a one time prank or that it had been him the entire time.

And besides, the only way he’d be able to fit chocolate raisins in George’s locker would be to shove them in there one by one, and that was just kind of gross. 

So he doesn’t leave him chocolate raisins, and George keeps complaining.

And then slowly, slowly, he stops. Sapnap watches his expression morph from annoyance at the slips of paper to a strange sort of boredom, and then finally it turns into something that feels even worse than either of those - fondness.

Affection.

And that should be better, shouldn’t it? Sapnap thought that was the goal. To wear him down slowly. 

What he’d failed to consider, however, was the fact that _George didn’t know it was him._ And that was the plan, right? To not give it away. To keep it a secret.

But that meant that George would think someone else was leaving them. And so Sapnap watched as George tucked the slips of paper into his bag, rose-cheeked, looking like he was keeping a secret. 

Looking like he was building something new. Looking like he was building it without him.

And it occurs to Sapnap that George might think it’s his soulmate leaving them. Leaving clues for George to find them, eventually. 

And it kind of hurts to know that it isn’t. It isn’t his soulmate leaving them, it’s just him, it’s just Sapnap. 

Sapnap doesn’t believe in soulmates. He doesn’t.

And even if he did, he certainly wouldn’t be stupid enough to believe George is his.

→ ← 

“I think I might be gay.”

It’s a confession that Sapnap wasn’t expecting, and it kind of feels like he’s been punched in the face. 

“What?” he asks, because that’s really all he can think to say. What? 

“Please don’t be angry,” George says, and he sounds so desperate Sapnap almost dissolves into hysterics. Angry?

“Why would I be angry?” Sapnap asks, and he’s lost, so lost, he’s on a sinking sailboat and all he can see is blue, blue sea.

“I - Why wouldn’t you be?” George asks. “You thought I liked girls. I - You’ve changed in front of me! Don’t you think that’s weird?”

Sapnap shrugs. “Who cares?” He does, he thinks. Just not in the way George thinks he would. “You’ve changed in front of me, too.”

“That’s different!” George bursts. “You - you like girls. It’s not the same.”

Sapnap says nothing. He doesn’t like girls. He likes George.

“And - and anyway, aren’t you worried I might have a crush on you, or something?”

Sapnap looks over at George, who’s staring at his shoes.

“Do you?” He knows the answer already.

“No,” George says. It still hurts. “But aren’t you worried that I’m lying to you?”

“Why does it matter?” Sapnap asks, and George looks surprised at this.

“Because it would ruin our friendship,” George says, like it’s a fact. Sapnap closes his eyes. 

“Why does it have to?”

“Because… because you’d be disgusted with me. Because you wouldn’t want to have sleepovers anymore. Because… you’d think I’d try to kiss you, or something.” George grows quiet by the end, and all Sapnap can think about is the fact that he actually really does want George to try and kiss him, but he knows he never will.

“None of that is gonna happen, George. We already established that you don’t wanna kiss me. You’re fine.”

George stares at him, dumbfounded. “You’re seriously not mad?”

“I’m seriously not mad. Actually, I’m really happy you told me. I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide anything from me.” _I want you to tell me everything. I want you to tell me what you think about in the middle of the night. I want you to tell me who you picture when you think about your soulmate. Tell me, does he look like me? Does he have my eyes my lips my nose?_

_Could you ever fall in love with me?_

“Thanks.” George breaks into a relieved grin. “I was tired of keeping secrets from you, but I really was scared you’d hate me. So thanks for being so chill about it.”

“Anytime,” Sapnap says, and he swallows his tongue and drinks in the colors of the dying light on George’s face. 

→ ← 

“I’ve found him,” George says, and there’s a grin spreading on his face and something sinking in Sapnap’s stomach. 

“Found who?” Sapnap asks, even though he’s pretty sure he already knows who George has found. 

George wiggles his eyebrows. “My _soulmate_.”

“Did you really,” Sapnap says, throat constricting.

“I really did,” George says. “Ask me how I know he’s my soulmate.”

“How do you know he’s your soulmate?” Sapnap asks, even though he doesn’t want to.

“He gave me a bottle of apple juice,” George declares, holding up what Sapnap presumes is the aforementioned bottle of apple juice. 

… Seriously? Sapnap is sure he’s given George apple juice before. Is that seriously all it takes for him to think you’re his soulmate?

“Like for free? Just… he just gave you a bottle of apple juice on the street?”

“Not on the _street._ It was in a mall,” George says defensively. 

“You think some random guy is your soulmate because he gave you a bottle of apple juice in a mall?”

George sighs frustratedly. “No, you don’t get it. He was like, one of those representative guys for like, Motts or something. They were giving out free samples and this guy just gave me apple juice.”

“So you think this guy is your soulmate because he works at an apple juice company?” The criteria for being George’s soulmate are so painfully nonsensical Sapnap thinks he might sob.

“He wrote his phone number on the bottle!” George shakes the apple juice at him, and Sapnap can see black numbers scribbled on the label. 

“Did you even talk to him?” Sapnap isn’t the jealous type, he really isn’t, but this just feels … kind of ridiculous. 

“I mean… I said thanks for the apple juice,” George says sheepishly. 

“That’s it?” Sapnap says, bewildered. “He gave you his number before you guys even talked?”

“I guess he was just so charmed by my beautiful face,” George says, and Sapnap rolls his eyes, even though privately he doesn’t think it’s that unlikely.

“Did he say anything to you?”

“He said, uh … he said to give him a call if I was ever in need of, um, more apple juice.” George looks away, embarrassed. 

Sapnap stares at him, dumbstruck. “What kind of pick-up line is _that?_ ”

George pinks. “Stop _judging_ my apple juice man! He is my _soulmate_ and I won’t have you slander him like this.”

Sapnap decides that just this once, he’s not going to be a dick to George. He’s going to let him have this.

“I’m very sorry for slandering your soulmate, Georgie. I am very happy for you both.” He’s lying through his teeth, and he thinks even George must be able to tell. 

George sniffs. “Well, thank you. I’m happy for us, too.”

This day sucks. 

→ ← 

And then it turns out that George is right. His Motts representative man seems to, somehow, actually be his soulmate.

Sapnap watches them, with his heart clutched tightly in his fists, as George and his apple juice soulmate fall in love. 

It gets harder and harder to deny that this seems like it’s meant to be - they’re sickeningly, achingly perfect for each other, in all the ways that George and Sapnap just _aren’t_. When they disagree about something, they talk in hushed and gentle voices, and when they look at each other, they smile like they’re melting. When George and Sapnap disagree, they snap and subside into tense silence. Sapnap looks at George like he wishes he’d never met him. George hardly looks at Sapnap at all. 

He thinks what hurts the most is that George looks happy now, happier than Sapnap has ever seen him before. Why wasn’t he enough for George? 

He’d never asked for anything more. He’s loved George for a decade, in every way possible. Why was years of friendship worth less than a few months with his soulmate?

He’ll never be the first person George turns to, anymore. It’ll always be him, him, him.

How is that fair at all? 

→ ←

George asks him to be his best man. He says yes, of course he’ll do it, even though he doesn’t want to.

The wedding is probably the worst experience of his life. George and his soulmate both glow like they’re made of a thousand stars, and when George’s voice thickens during his vows, Sapnap can feel a tear roll down his cheek.

At the wedding reception, when George and his husband are tucked together and swaying to a song he tries to forget, Sapnap kisses a girl. 

He doesn’t remember her name. He thinks she might be George’s cousin, or something. She has George’s eyes and he kisses her because she seems like she wants him to. 

She’s soft and tastes like sugar, and Sapnap couldn’t care less. She invites him to her hotel room, and he excuses himself and tells her he’s going to find George. 

Sapnap finds him alone at the bar. He slides into the seat next to George, and he turns to him.

“Oh, there you are.”

“Here I am,” Sapnap says, and he almost wishes he wasn’t. “I came to say congratulations. How does it feel?”

“Honestly? Weird,” George says, and downs the rest of his drink. 

“Weird how?” Sapnap asks, and he swallows the hope rising in his throat. 

George shrugs. “Like, I dunno. I’m happy, obviously, but I also feel sort of sad. Like I’m leaving a part of my life behind.”

“Yeah,” Sapnap says. “I get what you mean.” 

“Sapnap?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you still not believe in soulmates?”

Sapnap is silent for a moment. “I guess I do a little bit. For you and him. But I don’t really think I have one.” 

He doesn’t have a soulmate. He just has George. 

“Oh. Why not?”

“I just can’t really picture myself being in love the way that you guys are.” _I love you, George. Don’t you know?_

“Do you wish you could be?”

 _Do I wish I could be in love like they are?_ Sapnap doesn’t know. Does it really matter what he wants, anyway?

“Not really.”

George smiles slightly. “Then it’s okay, right?”

Sapnap smiles back. “It’s okay.”

It’s not.

**Author's Note:**

> comments!!! kudos!!! i will love you forever !!!!
> 
> feel free to follow me on tumblr @dream-not-found <3


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